Dear Friends,
There is a burden to compassionate work and it is simply this – it will break your heart and we must let this happen. We must surrender and melt until all boundaries are gone and we come to know that we really and truly are all part of one another. The pain and confusion in each of us is the pain of the world and of each person. The grief of loss, the fear of illness that makes a smaller life, the anger of the betrayal of love- the witness of all this in our own lives and in each others’ is the attentive living that insists on our learning what is important. It also teaches how we can see so much and still keep going.
For me, there is also an element of loneliness in this work. There really aren’t words for that moment of grace when someone’s pain passes from of their body, to mine, and out — to our mutual relief. The traumas and the transformations are not only beyond words, but they are also private, confidential, and to be held in quiet gratitude with reverence. There is much to tell of bright Light and change that I can’t.
I am writing this letter as I prepare for another year of travel work. My life’s work began in 1982 when bodywork relieved the wounds of a torture survivor. In massage school I began with lots of work in the rape crisis and then AIDS. Later with work in prisons and with tortured refugees, I came to know that the external details of pain vary widely but on the inside it’s very much the same. And sometimes in a quiet moment, not always, I can help lift that pain out and away. Of course it’s not me – I can’t even get ice cubes out of the tray- but a gift that comes through me and is beyond simple description.
I first sent this letter out in 1984 and began my travel work in 1985. Since then I’ve worked mostly by invitation and lived mainly on gifts. This allowed me to help those without resources. At times, it’s felt risky – who does such a thing? And yet here I am at 64 writing the 32nd Beethoven Letter.
This is all possible because your support makes it so. I continue to travel and teach about healing from trauma using massage and energy work. Teaching to professionals and families about avoiding burnout while doing compassionate work in crisis situations is very welcomed. I continue as the founding convener of The Quaker Initiative to End Torture- QUIT! to end American torture, which still goes on.
“The Dance Between Hope & Fear”, my first book, is available from Quakerbooks.org and Amazon. My wonderful editor, Shelly Angel of Dallas, has had to withdraw, so I am working on the manuscript of my second book “How Far Have You Traveled?” It focuses on having a sense of goodness. This should be out later this year. This winter, while on a three month writing retreat I began a third book, the stories of my own healing and spiritual adventures. This will be all new writing.
Will you help me? I need your kindness to continue. I need your generous and practical support so that I can teach and touch where I’m called. I know this is not an easy time financially, but you know that I live carefully and have come far on little. Please help me to do more.
In the Light,
John Calvi
PS Marshall and I celebrate 30 years together this fall!