I knew I was missing teaching. The whole dynamic of observing someone and offering something that might be of help is just so ingrained in me. I began teaching swimming to non-swimmers at a 4-H summer camp when I was 14 years old. And began my training as a Montessori teacher at 22. After 10 years of teaching […]
I really wanted to help. Any mother who has lost two children needs help and in her particular culture grief is done in very restrictive ways. To lose a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a dear friend- all can be very sad. But to lose a child is the worst burden of grief known to humans. And to lose […]
It wasn’t very dramatic or even scary really. Just waking up on a Saturday and feeling like I’d slept on something wrong which now needed to be stretched out to restore circulation- an arm maybe or just a hand. But it was my heart. I could feel the rhythm was off and I felt a bit light headed. I […]
22 years ago today, Marshall and I met for the first time. It was the last warm day of summer. I was at the gay swimming hole in the area, the Rock River and he came along. In all this time what amazes me most is that we love each other more. Over time the surrender to deeper love […]
Here is a problem/puzzle I am wondering at these days. In the very early days of my work a wonderful healer, Jean Schweitzer, suggested that I needed to engage more directly with practices of reverence to keep myself clear as I touched trauma clients and witnessed absurd amounts of pain. This was very helpful. Over the years a […]
I recently found this journal page about my dear beloved & departed friend Bill Kreidler when we were roommates at a large Quaker conference. His death with AIDS in 2000 brought me the largest grief I have known. This journal was the beginning of loving him against the rush of time and illness, and feeling […]
Marshall and I have just had a week vacation at home, a decision of budget and simplicity. There was much need of rest, deep rest, spontaneous rest, and some fun- but no planning or effort or schedule. His work this spring reached 70 & 80 hours a week with counseling graduate students applying to his college, teaching […]
It took a month to get the annual Beethoven Letter out- much longer than usual. Partly because my office systems were not kept up over the last few years with all my QUIT work, so address updates delayed me. Also I’ve 3 different computer programs for Email, paper mail addresses, and bookkeeping so it’s hard to find […]
Getting my annual letter out was very difficult. Sabbatical since Thanksgiving spoiled me- staying away from my desk, not even thinking about my trauma or torture work. I’ve been very successful. But now face the office mess- 10,000 emails from the last 30 months have to be culled for new addresses- yes, 10,000. 80 pages of street address labels […]
There is a gearshift in this sabbatical that I am learning, though very slowly. It’s the question of reverence for the self rather than for service. I learned over many years to kick into a spiritual gear of attention for guidance and cleansing whenever work came to me either in teaching or touching. This became a second skin […]